Guilty About Success

In a Facebook post, one of my clients posed the questions: “Do you ever feel guilty about being successful? If yes, how do you handle it?”

Fascinating and thought-provoking.

As it turned out, I had written a post on my business website about the concept, but I left it in my drafts without posting. It seemed pretentious and off-putting almost as if saying: “Oh look at me. I’m sad because of how good my life is compared to others.”

Cringe.

Still, it’s a real experience. His heart of humility and authenticity to openly share about an inward experience is admirable. I left that blog post as a draft for a reason. I didn’t want to share my experience because I did not want to rub some people the wrong way.

Let me be clear: to feel guilty about success implies that you have success to have guilty about. At many points in my journey, I only wished to have success to have guilt about; instead, in times of the past, I had ambition for future success – not guilt about present success. I speak openly that for the first nine months of owning my coaching business, I didn’t earn a single dollar. (I did have severance and unemployment from going through the lay off from Nationwide Insurance, but no money was coming in from my business.)

Times have changed. In a favorable manner for my business.

My wife, Angelita, and I were discussing success one night as she expressed her concern that I work early in the morning and that I work late at night. “I’m just trying make it!” I shared passionately. Her response: “You already made it.”

Silence.

Whoa.

Hold on.

It brings up a fascinating point: What does it mean to have made it? How do you know when you are successful? Why would my wife express that I already made it?

Here’s what our life currently consists of and why she may have expressed what she did:

(1) We live in the house we want to die in. That came out more morbid than I intended. Yet it’s true. We already live in our dream house. I have a home gym that has all the equipment I will ever need to be as fit as I want. We have a Podcast Studio area designated for my house. We have an office that has vision boards on all four walls. (I know: I’m eccentric.) We live in our forever home. We aren’t waiting to upgrade. We are happy in our home.

(2) We have a marriage that we want. We have fun. We serve our community together by mentoring other couples. We are where we want to be with our connection.

(3) We want the possessions we have and we have the possessions we want. This Christmas, we decided to not get Christmas gifts because we already have everything.

(4) We both have jobs right in our areas of individual passion. Do you ever have the “win the lottery” talk? My wife and I both share that we both think we would continue our jobs as we work now. Nothing would change if we won the lottery. We could give more money away. We could invest more money. But that’s really the only changes. Although they are not true changes but more of what we’re already doing.

(5) We have friends that love us, believe in us, accept us, and are beyond our imagination.

(6) We have attained a respectable status among our respected professions and in our church community.

(7) We have witnessed major dreams come true. I became an author in 2020. We began fundraising for our non-profit organization.

Now, let me be clear. We haven’t accomplished all of our goals. The plan is to be financially independent by September 5th 2023 and become millionaires by December 31st 2023. We will be 38-years-old by that date. I’m 140 pages into my second book. I would love to write many more books.

When Angelita expressed that I already had “made it”, I understand that I have reached a few special milestones in my coaching business: (1) making $1000 for a sixty-minute speech, (2) making $600 an hour for small group coaching, and (3) making $300 an hour for one-to-one coaching. In my world – my small world – these figures are astonishing. You may be in a completely different stratosphere of success and power to you for what you have achieved. In my small world, these are big figures because I can work a lot less but still make a lot of money. It’s humbling.

Two weeks ago, I rebranded my Strong Life Coach TikTok account, moving my prior dancing and other random content to my private folder, and began creating content about how to make $600 an hour as a life/business coach. After creating the first two videos, I had a moment of clarity. Was it truly authentic to express that anyone can make $600 an hour as a life/business coach? Then, I had to ask if I believed that. It was a sobering moment. I landed on a not-so-optimistic answer. If anybody could make $600 an hour as a coach, a lot of people would be making $600 as a coach. Many people don’t make that much money as a coach or in any field. What makes me so special?

For real.

How has my experience been different?

What advantages have I had?

(1) I was raised by a powerful Latina woman who became a millionaire without a college degree. She insisted on teaching me lessons upon lessons about life and especially money so that when she was gone, I would have the knowledge that brought her success. I’m 35-years-old now and I talk to my Mom regularly. In one sense, I have 35 years worth of mentoring by a millionaire! That’s crazy.

(2) Millionaires continue to surround me. This is bonkers! I received a phone call the other day from a person who is a multi-millionaire, and she was asking me for my advice! That’s backwards! She was asking about grieving with maturity. (I speak openly about the pain of losing my Dad as you who follow my this Anti-Strong blog already know.)

(3) I’ve memorized thousands of Scriptures from the Bible. No exaggeration. Then, I’ve heard thousands of hours of biblical lessons. I’ve spent hundreds (if not thousands) of hours mentoring with a biblical focus. I mention this in the context of success because Proverbs 10-30 speak extensively about wealth and prosperity.

(4) I’ve spent almost two decades immersed in the self-help book content world. I’ve memorized content like the 5 Love Languages, the 5 Languages of Apology, 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, Robert Cialdini’s Laws of Influence, Paul Martinelli’s principles of Marketing, Kit Cumming’s attitude science, and more.

Why am I able to make the money that I make? I’ve paid my dues. I’ve put in the 10,000 hours in the pursuit of mastery. And I’m still learning!

Making $600 an hour can make me feel embarrassed, at times. I never want people to feel “less than” because they can’t or won’t make what I make. When guilt creeps in, I remind myself that I am willing to share with others exactly how I attained whatever success I have. In other words, my success simply gives me an opportunity to serve people who would like to learn.

If I am successful, I will use it to serve people. If I fail, I will use that to serve people.

My current focus of serving people is centered in four areas: (1) mentoring couples, (2) empowering people to know how to make money via monthly webinars, (3) one-on-one mentoring of men looking for strength in their journey of faith, and (4) fundraising for empowering Latina education.

My service drives out any guilt. My success gives me a responsibility – a responsibility to serve.

Of course, this is circular for anyone who practices service: the more you serve, the more greatness you experience. Does success make me feel guilty? Yes. What does the success and guilt move me to do? Serve. Which will only lead to more success.